Tuesday, April 10, 2007

You've got to be kidding me?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!

Grant & I came home today after dropping almost $1400 on the Corolla (that's another story) to a voice message from our adoption recruitment worker telling us that too many people have signed up for the mandatory 9-week training session that starts on April 18th and a difficult decision was made by the team and Grant & I have been "bumped" to the next session which won't be taking place until September! You have got to be kidding me!!! We were already bumped from the March 20th start date to the April 18th session and now we are getting bumped again and this time the next session isn't until September!! A huge flood of emotions took over me as I listened to the rest of her message - tears welled up in my eyes, I was soooo furious, frustrated, angry, upset, devastated, sad, and lost. Now what?? She also sent us an email explaining the reasoning behind why we were one of the couples to be bumped from this session of training courses - I responded to both her voice message and email (I called and left her a message before seeing/reading her email). Why, why, why is this happening right now?? The first time we found out we were bumped from March to April, we thought maybe it's meant to be b/c it's my 30th birthday on April 18 & what a significant and memorable day to begin our adoption training courses...but to be bumped again, what does this mean??? Has God been trying to tell us something and we haven't been listening and this new roadblock to parenthood is more obvious so we don't miss the message??? My emotions are all over the place, I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling right now. Grant made us dinner & it smells great, but I'm not hungry. How can I possibly eat now, my world has once again been flipped upside down & inside out. Grant & I assumed we'd be taking this 9-week training from April to June, have our home study completed somewhere in there too and maybe, just maybe bring our baby home in the fall. We already started shopping and have our stroller & crib picked out. We have been secretly (not anymore) been painting the nursery (btw I absolutely love the way it looks so far)...all this for what...to be bumped to September!!! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I am so tired of waiting - we waited each month for 3 years to see if we were pregnant. We waited for a referal to the fertility clinic. We waited for the test results only to have our biggest fears come true. We waited for adoption application forms to arrive. We waited to hear from the adoption recruitment worker for our initial home visit assessment. We were anxiously waiting to start the training course next week...now what do we do? There's nothing more to do now than to have faith and hope that Grant & I will become parents and to continue to pray for our future child because I know in my heart of hearts that God has our baby already picked out for us and I need to be patient for a little bit longer for him/her to be delivered to us.

I guess Grant already warned you that our blog will be filled with ups & downs...well, here's a big down.

Thank you all for your love and support.
Love, Janet Carioni

1 comment:

J J T said...

Dear Janet and Grant,

I couldn't read this post without tears in my eyes... my heart is breaking for you! I have difficulty understanding why you have to wait, why you were bumped, why you don't have a place in this session. I can't comprehend what you are going through and I wish more than anything we could be there with you. I don't know if this is any comfort to you, but in times of hardship I've turned to James. I especially take hope in James 5:11... and I pray that God's peace fills you through these trials.
We send all of our prayers and love,
Judith & Arden