Friday, June 29, 2007

feline foster-adopt!

Carson is a foster brother to a stray kitten!! The most adorable little kitten ran through our front lawn this morning as Grant was leaving for work. She immediately came over to great us, purring and looking for cuddles. I brought her out some cat food and she devoured it. I took her to our vet to see if she had a microchip and no luck with identifying her home that way. The technician asked if we plan to keep her if we are not able to find her owners...and I looked at her and said "of course!" (She was the same technician that desperately tried to save our Ponobo). The technician confirmed the kitty is female & I should have asked how old. This kitty is absolutely adorable and so snuggly. She is sitting on my lap, purring away as I type this post! She is much younger than Ponobo or Carson were when we adopted them and brought them home. I can't believe how tiny and affectionate she is. Grant jokingly said that this kitty is giving us practice with foster-adopt. I posted her picture with our number around our neighborhood and when Grant called earlier, I cautiously answered the phone wondering if it was someone calling to come pick her up. Grant & I decided that if no one calls us by the end of the weekend, we're going to keep her!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Tell Me Again...

Grant & I attended the "Infant Consent" session with FACS tonight - we heard amazing stories of hope, strength, patience, determination and love today from 3 families who adopted infants. The families shared their profile albums (Grant & I seriously need to revamp ours), scrapbooks and photos of their children and honest and raw stories about life as a family! A number of children's books were also available for us to look at and the first one Grant grabbed brought me to tears - Grant will attempt to deny it but his eyes had some extra moisture in them too. The book was written by Jamie Lee Curtis: Tell me Again About the Night I was Born. I searched the web to see if I could find the text somewhere to share with you tonight - nothing! I hope Chapters carries the book because I definitely want to be able to read it to our baby.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

An amazing invitation

Last night our friends were over with their daughter/our god daughter and Grant & I quickly realized how un-baby-proofed our home is! She motored around everywhere on all fours and occasionally stopped to stand in the middle of the floor and took a few cautious steps - she also did a very funny jump-skip manoeuvre (wish that was caught on video)! Grant & I were constantly running after her (baby gates are wonderful inventions we will need to invest in)!! Our friends are expecting again and last night they invited Grant & I to their ultrasound!! Words cannot express (cheesy cliche but very true here) how that invitation made me feel - I had one of those light-bulb moments because it never really occured to me that Grant & I will not have that experience with our own child and to be invited by our friends to see their baby through the ultrasound monitor is an amazing gift, privilege and experience we would not have had - Thank you!!! This morning I called my girlfriend who just had her baby last Friday and as she was telling me about her labour, delivery, and first week as a new mom, I could hear the excitement, awe, love and pure joy in her voice. I was able to chat with her husband too because he answered the phone and he sounded sooooo happy, I could hear him grinning from ear to ear!

Grant & I may not be able to view our baby in an ultrasound monitor and hear the heartbeat and I will not experience child birth and be able to share that story with other mothers, and part of me feels that I am missing out on essential milestones & experiences of motherhood - but I will get to experience the awe of seeing our friends' baby in the monitor and hearing the heartbeat and I loved listening to my friend as she told me about her first week as a new mom. I'm grateful that I am going through these emotions and moments of enlightenment now and have the opportunity to express it with the support of our family and friends during this journey towards adoption.

Love, Janet

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Cramming it all in!!

Tuesday night Grant & I completed session 8 of 10 with the PRIDE training in Woodstock and we attended a "Foster/Adopt" session last night with the Waterloo region - we love these training sessions so much, we thought we'd double them up for this week and next!! In all seriousness, Waterloo Region offers two processes that differ from that of any other jurisdiction and that's why we were invited to attended the Foster/Adopt and Infant Consent Adoption sessions, even though we are doing the official PRIDE training in Woodstock.

What is Foster/Adopt you ask??? Here's an excerpt from our readings:
In 2001, Family & Children's Services of the Waterloo Region introduced a Foster/Adopt program, with the goal of minimizing placement disruptions for children in care, and allowing for permanency planning at the earliest stage possible....The overall goal is to facilitate a permanent placement for children who are unlikely to be returned to their (birth) parents and for whom Crown Wardship is being sought by the agency...Numerous researchers have identified the need for children to be in stable placements. There is a recognition that a lack of permanence for children in care is potentially damaging to them. The potentially negative impact of long foster care placements, multiple placements, and ambivalent attachment have led to this alternative, one which is focused on children who may not be returned to their home.

Basically what happens with Foster/Adopt, a child lives with a family as a "foster-child" until the official adoption can occur. We met a couple last night who's daughter was placed with them at the age of 4-months and they signed the final papers for the adoption this spring when she was 2.5 years old !! Grant & I agree that our ideal adoption plan is for an Infant Consent Adoption (adoption at birth), but if we are matched for a Foster/Adopt opportunity with a baby we will not immediately turn it down. even if that means we have to wait months or even years before he/she is legally our child. Not only do I recognize the huge value in the child's sense of security and stability, Grant & I want to be there for all the milestones and firsts and experience holding, cuddling and kissing our baby.

On a completely different note, Grant & I celebrated Father's Day with our dad's last weekend. We went fishing with my dad on Saturday and had dinner with his dad on Sunday - We saw "dad-to-be" cards when we were shopping for cards for our fathers and I really wanted to pick one up for Grant (I saw the perfect one), but couldn't do that with him right there & of course we shopped for cards on Friday (the last possible night) so I didn't have a chance to go back and pick one up for him. I never really thought about us being dad & mom-to-be until one of my girlfriends called to wish me a "happy mother's day" and on father's day our god daughter came by to wish Grant a "happy father's day." This year we celebrated Grant's sister's first mother's day and my cousin's first father's day, I hope, pray and have faith that Grant & I will have our turn at celebrating these firsts next year!

Thanks for all of your support, prayers, love and friendship. Grant & I consider ourselves incredibly blessed to have you as our family & friends !!

Love, Janet

Monday, June 11, 2007

Ahhhh...I must stop!!

I started Google-ing adoption t-shirts in search of one that says something along the lines of "Expecting, but not pregnant" and I came across some great sites that have a plethora of adoption products, announcement cards, books, apparel, poems, etc.....I keep posting the poems and I need to stop going through the various products because my eyes keep welling up! The logo t-shirts for the kids are super cute and I so want to get some for our baby!!

The following are the sites I spent most of tonight browsing and some of the logos that brought a smile to my face:

Gift of Life

I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know
The love I feel is deep and real
As if it had been so.
For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true
No, I didn't give you the gift of life
Life gave me the gift of you.

author Unknown

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women, Who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, The other you call mother.
Two different lives Shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star, The other became your sun.
The first gave you life, The second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, And the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent, The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, The other dried your tears.
One gave you up, it was all that she could do. The other prayed for a child, And God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me through your tears, The age-old question through the years:
Heredity or environment-- which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling, neither, Just two different kinds of love.

Kisses in the Wind

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams,
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long,
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.


Angel Worn

Today marks another step towards "letting go" of my hopes of becoming pregnant. I dropped off my stash of summer maternity clothes at our local consignment store, Angel Worn (they only accept in-season clothing) - I have been snagging maternity clothes on sale for over 2 years and part of me held onto them hoping I would finally see that glorious BFP (Big Fat Positive -web lingo). About a month ago I went through my drawers and closet gathering my summer maternity clothes and some were actually still in the original shopping bags. That collection sat on the bedroom floor right next to the door for a few weeks. Today I decided to finally take the plunge and drop them off. I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting, but when I was chatting with the sales associate, it just rolled off my tongue that I haven't worn any of the clothes b/c I can't get pregnant and I didn't feel emotional, upset, sad, angry...I didn't really feel anything. Was I supposed to?? I don't know.

Well, someone will be getting a great deal on brand new clothes!

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Youthful reflections

These last two weekends Grant & I spent it with our church youth group. Last weekend we ventured up to Algonquin Park and this weekend we went to the Molson Amplitheater for a fantastic night of worship with Starfield & Hillsong United. As we were driving away from the church Saturday night, Grant & I reflected on how much we love spending time with the youth from our church, whether it be on a Sunday morning or out at a special event!! Being fully honest with ourselves, we know that we will need to step back from youth ministry at St. Paul’s once our baby arrives as it will be a challenge getting down to Toronto every Sunday – Having said that, we wondered last night if our delay to parenthood is so we can devote our time to the youth and nurture those relationships. We have been part of the youth group for 4 years, and no matter how busy that makes our weekends, I can’t imagine a weekend without seeing them and having them enrich our lives.