Wednesday, September 12, 2007

It was one of those days

Most days I am able to think rationally and my emotions are in-check. I can say that I have completely accepted my own infertility and am very excited about being able to adopt our precious child soon....but, then there are days like yesterday. At first I couldn't figure out why I was not motivated to help Grant in the kitchen as he tackled making a roasted pepper soup and roasted tomato soup and I remained curled up on the couch under some blankets for most of the evening. It eventually dawned on me why I was feeling so down and I was able to peel myself off the couch and help Grant finish making the soups after a little pep-talk from my wonderful husband. Earlier in the day a co-worker was "showing off" her non-existent pregnancy bump. She's due in January, which would make her about 5 months pregnant and my non-pregnant belly is rounder than hers. There's suspicion amongst my co-workers that this colleague struggles with an eating disorder. When she first told me she was expecting, she spoke proudly that she never had to wear maternity clothes with her last pregnancy and is pretty sure this pregnancy would be the same. I realized why I was curled up on the couch last night, not motivated to do anything...I was angry. How can someone who doesn't taken care of her body be able to get pregnant twice and I am infertile. I did everything right, from taking prenatal vitamins and making sure I ate well to buying maternity clothes when I found them on sale - where is the fairness in all of this??? I am normally very excited for friends and people in my life who are pregnant, but for this colleague it's difficult for me to be happy....it's just not fair.

2 comments:

Adele said...

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear of your co-worker's thoughtlessness. I am sorry on her behalf and sorry that you are suffering so. I see what you mean. It's terrible looking at the Britney Spears of the world and seeing how they neglect their own. Or those who are very fertile and contracept or abort away their young. Please be assured of my prayers.

God bless you,

Beth said...

Hello! I just found your blog and I really appreciate your honesty in all your posts. We struggled with infertility for years and we finally conceived after 2 surgeries for endometriosis, and had our baby girl just a few months before our 5th anniversary.

I was reading some of your archives - you guys are going to be GREAT parents!!! One thing that I really noticed about this whole journey... the waiting is AWFUL, the disappointment is terrible, but when you hold your son or daughter in your arms.... all of this is worth it. And then after a while you can hardly remember what it was like before he or she was there.

Good luck, and God bless you.

(Also, we cloth diaper, use natural products, wear her in a sling all the time, eat organic and make our own baby food - and none of it is hard at all!)